Tag: expectations

Pick Me!

I was not the most athletic child. I could run and play, but I wasn’t the fastest, strongest, or best at anything athletic. In P.E. I never made it even halfway up the rope to the bell and was never a contender for a President’s Fitness Award (some of you are now guessing my age). None of that bothered me.

But organized recess games and the dodgeball games in P.E. did, not because of the activity, but because of the first few minutes when two captains would be chosen and then, one-by-one, select members for their team. I would stand there praying, please, oh please, this one time, please pick me. Typically, I was last or next to the last selection despite my internal pleas.

Not being chosen had me convinced “I am not good at sports.” It wasn’t until high school that I realized the lie I had believed. I am good at sports I want to play. Not competitor-level good, but good enough to have fun and secure a spot on the school lacrosse team.

I think about this as I watch students look at a book and think, “I am not good at reading.” Or when they enter a cafeteria, and you can see them thinking “I am not good enough to be their friend.”

Sometimes this message was an unintended consequence of a teacher or adult trying to protect a student by not having them read aloud when other students did, or not sharing their math problem solution, but letting their tablemate do so. In our effort to protect students from failure, we may be, quite accidentally, leaving them in their seats praying silently, please, pick me.

Then there is the converse when we assign a student with a disability a buddy or friend. Hear me out, I think the social group programs that pair up students with and without disabilities are great. But, I think we need to remember that our friends weren’t chosen for us, we chose them. Sometimes the person we want to be friends with doesn’t want to be our friend, and that is okay. It is a part of life. Sometimes we were introduced to someone because a third person thought we had “so much in common.” And that is great too. But in each of those scenarios, we have a choice to stay or go. Students with disabilities need that same choice, and sometimes, they will choose someone who doesn’t want to be their friend. Okay, let’s teach them how to accept that, and then introduce to other peers who have similar interests.

I wonder, if I had been the first choice, or even a choice halfway through picking the teams, would I have tried out for more school athletic teams? Would I have started running and working out younger? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe sprits isn’t my thing, But, I do know, that every child should know there is someone who sees their value, and says the three magical words, “I pick you.”

Start Before You Are Ready

On the Work In Progress podcast, Cecile Richards shared a guiding statement: “Start before you are ready.”

I thought back to all the adventures in my life I started before I was truly ready. As someone who works so hard to get it done perfectly, I want to be fully prepared, yet I remember so many times that I thought I was ready when I wasn’t really. Significant moments that come to mind include the first day of high school, starting on the lacrosse team, going to college, running a half marathon, and my first job. I experienced each of these moments even though I hadn’t proven beyond a doubt that I was ready.

How often do we expect students, particularly students with disabilities, to “prove” they are ready?

For instance, in the first few weeks of kindergarten, you will observe students who are already reading and writing their names, some who know all the letters, and some who have not yet learned the names of most letters. You will see students working with their peers and some who are shy. Some students will cry or cling to their parents and others run right into class. These are natural differences. Yet, every year, there are kindergarteners with a disability assigned to a separate classroom until they can show they are ready; ready to read, ready to listen, and ready to work independently. Why are we asking them to achieve a higher level than their peers?

This expectation of “readiness” continues throughout their school years, to high school. The Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) requires a transition plan for students beginning no later than age 16. The students need to identify their career goals and education/training plans following high school. Some will also have goals related to independence and community involvement. This is important work. It helps everyone plan together to support the student to achieve their goals. When training or working with teachers and parents, the number one concern I hear is that students choose goals they aren’t ready for or can’t possibly achieve. As a result, we hold students back, waiting for them to be ready. How will they learn to be ready if they aren’t allowed to try it? Some of my greatest victories were when I had to try, fail, and try again. Why are we so afraid that a student with a disability will make a mistake? Or fail on their first, second, or thirty-fifth try? We are, unintentionally, denying the experience of victory and accomplishment.

Admittedly, the stakes get higher as the students get older. This is why it is essential we provide them opportunities early and often. Before they are ready, let them go to kindergarten, try to ride a bike, try out for the talent show, and play tetherball. They will learn life-long lessons about the value of perseverance and become resilient with each effort. Then, as adults, they will have the fortitude to try a new job, learn a new skill, or move out to go to school. In short, they will become confident, resilient adults. Isn’t that the goal?