I was not the most athletic child. I could run and play, but I wasn’t the fastest, strongest, or best at anything athletic. In P.E. I never made it even halfway up the rope to the bell and was never a contender for a President’s Fitness Award (some of you are now guessing my age). None of that bothered me.
But organized recess games and the dodgeball games in P.E. did, not because of the activity, but because of the first few minutes when two captains would be chosen and then, one-by-one, select members for their team. I would stand there praying, please, oh please, this one time, please pick me. Typically, I was last or next to the last selection despite my internal pleas.
Not being chosen had me convinced “I am not good at sports.” It wasn’t until high school that I realized the lie I had believed. I am good at sports I want to play. Not competitor-level good, but good enough to have fun and secure a spot on the school lacrosse team.
I think about this as I watch students look at a book and think, “I am not good at reading.” Or when they enter a cafeteria, and you can see them thinking “I am not good enough to be their friend.”
Sometimes this message was an unintended consequence of a teacher or adult trying to protect a student by not having them read aloud when other students did, or not sharing their math problem solution, but letting their tablemate do so. In our effort to protect students from failure, we may be, quite accidentally, leaving them in their seats praying silently, please, pick me.
Then there is the converse when we assign a student with a disability a buddy or friend. Hear me out, I think the social group programs that pair up students with and without disabilities are great. But, I think we need to remember that our friends weren’t chosen for us, we chose them. Sometimes the person we want to be friends with doesn’t want to be our friend, and that is okay. It is a part of life. Sometimes we were introduced to someone because a third person thought we had “so much in common.” And that is great too. But in each of those scenarios, we have a choice to stay or go. Students with disabilities need that same choice, and sometimes, they will choose someone who doesn’t want to be their friend. Okay, let’s teach them how to accept that, and then introduce to other peers who have similar interests.
I wonder, if I had been the first choice, or even a choice halfway through picking the teams, would I have tried out for more school athletic teams? Would I have started running and working out younger? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe sprits isn’t my thing, But, I do know, that every child should know there is someone who sees their value, and says the three magical words, “I pick you.”